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Into Marvelous Light

This has been a tough week.  I know I've been talking about it a lot, and I think it's just because I haven't struggled too much this whole journey.  It's actually been relatively routine.  Not easy, really, but it has happened.  And consistantly happened. 

But this week has been different. 

Working out has been routine and habitual.  Maybe just going through the motions.  You know? I've been trying to switch it up, but not really pushing myself.  My runs have been good (10:00 miles), but not as often or as hard as they should be.  I should be going farther; faster.

My eating hasn't been great.  I've been getting closer and closer (and sometimes going past) my 8:00 pm eating deadline.  I;ve been having more chocolate.  I've been eating more salty snacks.  For the past couple of weeks, I haven't been counting calories on Sundays.  I thought it was freeing.  But it may have been too freeing.  We've been to an Indian Buffet two Sundays ago.  We've been to a Chinese Buffet last Sunday. Yes, I mostly controlled myself.  But no, neither place was a great decision.

I know it's crazy, but I really think I had a breakthrough tonight.  On my run with my Nexus One (loving it, by the way) I was listening to Pandora.  I haven't loaded up my phone with a workout list, and a lot of my stations are musicals or chill or bluegrass or classical.  But I have a christian station.  And I love that one.  So that's what I listen to on my runs.  And a song that I've heard many times before--heard and enjoyed, but not really listened to: Marvelous Light by Charlie Hall.  Here are the lyrics that really spoke to me:

Sin has lost it's power,
death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen

Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way

I think it probably helped that I was running, but those words, "Into marvelous light I'm running, Out of darkness, out of shame" just hit me.  Because this is what I'm doing.  I'm running out of darkness.  I'm no longer ashamed of myself.  Of my weight.  Of my look.  Of eating food from three different fast food places.  Of having to shop in a Big & Tall store.  I feel energized.  And revitalized. 

I think it's also important that I am once again at a point where I know that this is not of my own making.  I was beginning to start thinking that I was the one responsilbe for my success.  But it's not me.  It's God.  And I have to let Him use me to make me into the man He has planned.  Is that confusing at all?  I am so honored that He'd mold me into who I'm becomming; and I'm so excited to see what he has in store next.

That being said, I'm pretty sure I'll post a gain on Sunday.  I'm working hard not to, but it's up ahead.

Spilling Hope Update:
Sponsors: Josie ($0.25), Ricky ($0.50), Shelli ($0.25), Kim ($0.25), Ish ($0.25) Thanks Sponsors!!
Total Miles: 50
Total money raised: $175.00

100 situps
50 push ups
ran 10 miles (over 2 times)
read the bible
read my devotion
date with Anna

60 minutes on exercise bike
60 minutes on elliptical
60 minutes on stair stepper
600 situps
300 push ups
ran 16 miles
1 Bikram Yoga session
read the bible
read my devotion
date with Anna

Weekly Calorie Count:
Sunday: xx
Monday: 2,175 Calories
Tuesday: 2,575 Calories
Wednesday: 1,475 Calories
Thursday: 2,345 Calories
Friday: 2,085 Calories

Daily Average: 2,131 Calories.



May 15, 2010 at 2:24 PM

Sorry to see you are having a tough week Beej! I am also glad to see you had your breakthrough and are running into marvelous light.

So inspiring!

  South Beach Steve

May 16, 2010 at 6:35 AM

Beej, I totally know where you are coming from. You have had quite a good run, and that is something to be proud of. BUT, it isn't always easy. By the way, I am not trying to suggest this has been easy for you. I am trying to say that tougher times happen. It is doing what you are doing now, feeling out what you can and cannot do, that makes this a long term success. The breakthrough you have had is pretty dark awesome. It is truly God that allows us to be who we are. To set the examples He is letting us set. I wonder what He has in store for us. It is all for His glory. Is He going to use us as examples? Is He just getting us healthy so we can live longer and reach more? The one thing for sure is that it isn't about us.