Into Marvelous Light

This has been a tough week.  I know I've been talking about it a lot, and I think it's just because I haven't struggled too much this whole journey.  It's actually been relatively routine.  Not easy, really, but it has happened.  And consistantly happened. 

But this week has been different. 

Working out has been routine and habitual.  Maybe just going through the motions.  You know? I've been trying to switch it up, but not really pushing myself.  My runs have been good (10:00 miles), but not as often or as hard as they should be.  I should be going farther; faster.

My eating hasn't been great.  I've been getting closer and closer (and sometimes going past) my 8:00 pm eating deadline.  I;ve been having more chocolate.  I've been eating more salty snacks.  For the past couple of weeks, I haven't been counting calories on Sundays.  I thought it was freeing.  But it may have been too freeing.  We've been to an Indian Buffet two Sundays ago.  We've been to a Chinese Buffet last Sunday. Yes, I mostly controlled myself.  But no, neither place was a great decision.

I know it's crazy, but I really think I had a breakthrough tonight.  On my run with my Nexus One (loving it, by the way) I was listening to Pandora.  I haven't loaded up my phone with a workout list, and a lot of my stations are musicals or chill or bluegrass or classical.  But I have a christian station.  And I love that one.  So that's what I listen to on my runs.  And a song that I've heard many times before--heard and enjoyed, but not really listened to: Marvelous Light by Charlie Hall.  Here are the lyrics that really spoke to me:

Pre-chorus

Sin has lost it's power,

death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen

VICTORIOUSLY!

Chorus

Into marvelous light I'm running,

Out of darkness, out of shame.

By the cross you are the truth,

You are the life, you are the way

I think it probably helped that I was running, but those words, "Into marvelous light I'm running, Out of darkness, out of shame" just hit me.  Because this is what I'm doing.  I'm running out of darkness.  I'm no longer ashamed of myself.  Of my weight.  Of my look.  Of eating food from three different fast food places.  Of having to shop in a Big & Tall store.  I feel energized.  And revitalized. 

I think it's also important that I am once again at a point where I know that this is not of my own making.  I was beginning to start thinking that I was the one responsilbe for my success.  But it's not me.  It's God.  And I have to let Him use me to make me into the man He has planned.  Is that confusing at all?  I am so honored that He'd mold me into who I'm becomming; and I'm so excited to see what he has in store next.

That being said, I'm pretty sure I'll post a gain on Sunday.  I'm working hard not to, but it's up ahead.

Spilling Hope Update:

Sponsors: Josie ($0.25), Ricky ($0.50), Shelli ($0.25), Kim ($0.25), Ish ($0.25) Thanks Sponsors!!

Total Miles: 50

Total money raised: $175.00

Friday:

100 situps

50 push ups

ran 10 miles (over 2 times)

prayed

read the bible

read my devotion
date with Anna

Total:

60 minutes on exercise bike

60 minutes on elliptical

60 minutes on stair stepper

600 situps

300 push ups

ran 16 miles

1 Bikram Yoga session

prayed

read the bible

read my devotion
fast

date with Anna

Weekly Calorie Count:

Sunday: xx

Monday: 2,175 Calories

Tuesday: 2,575 Calories

Wednesday: 1,475 Calories

Thursday: 2,345 Calories

Friday: 2,085 Calories

Saturday:

Daily Average: 2,131 Calories.