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My Other Love

Yes, I admit it. I have another love. I've been unfaithful. Not unfaithful to Anna--that would never happen. No, I've been unfaithful to God--trying to find fulfillment in the arms of food. And it's so tough. It's not like I can just leave food forever (since it's so hard for me to resist the temptation).  It's not like alcohol that I can just avoid.  No, it's like air--I kinda need it to survive.  I've been trying to think of a good metaphor for the challenge.  Maybe, the closest thing I could come up with is this:

Let's say that I'm an actor in a long-running TV Show.  This show is very successful and provides a good income for my family.  My wife is not in the entertainment business, and we're madly in love.  My TV wife, however, is my ex-girlfriend (from before my actual wife and I met).  My old relationship was very passionate, very intense, but I am grateful it is over.  There's still some attraction there, but I know how toxic the time we shared was.  That being said, I have to kiss my TV Wife on the show--often.  That's the trouble: how do I kiss my TV wife on the show, making it look real, but not feeling any of those unhealthy feelings and saving my heart for my true love.  

Is that even close?

Unfortunately, last night my evil affair with food popped up again.  This week and last week have been pretty tough with regards to food--and last night was a perfect example.  I got home from Spotlight Night and wrote my post.  Then, for no real reason, I ate a whole wheat english muffin with melted cheddar and some shredded beef.  It was probably 350 Calories that I didn't need, wasn't hungry for, and regretted.  Really, what was I looking for?  Comfort.  But that comfort shouldn't come from food.  It should come from Jesus.  He's the one who will fill my every need--not some food (no matter if it's whole wheat or not...).  So what did I do?  I fasted again today.  Not to punish myself, but to reinforce the need to remember that food is not my souce.  God is.

Thursday:
pray daily
read the bible daily
read my devotion daily
date with Anna
fast

Total:
40 minutes on elliptical
30 minutes on stair stepper
60 minutes on exercise bike
4.5 miles walked/ran
200 sit ups
200 push ups
6 60-second front planks
6 60-second side planks
pray daily
read the bible daily
read my devotion daily
2 days fasting
3 dates with Anna

Remaining:
40 minutes on elliptical
30 minutes on stair stepper
1 Olympic Duathlon Test
5.5 miles walked/ran
100 sit ups
100 push ups
9 60-second front planks
9 60-second side planks
pray daily
read the bible daily
read my devotion daily

Calories:
Okay, major fail in this department.  Maybe next week?

3 comments:

  South Beach Steve

September 18, 2010 at 6:53 PM

Wow Beej. Well said. You are not alone my friend.

  aroset

September 18, 2010 at 9:30 PM

Hi, I found this blog via Steve (above). I've decided to do the Hot 100! I can totally understand your struggle with food and I commend you for turning to something that comes from within, instead of without.

  seattlerunnergirl

September 19, 2010 at 10:48 AM

You know, I don't know if I will ever feel like I have totally conquered the "demons" of using food for comfort or other emotional reasons. I do know, however, that I have made much progress. And I'm willing to be that you have, too; that before you started this journey, a "bad night" with food would have consisted of far more than a 350 calorie english muffin with cheese and beef.

I'm NOT trying to minimize that your choice last night was a mistake; a stumble. But I do think that, along with refocusing yourself on where your comfort SHOULD come from (God, your wife, other people in your life), it's important to be thankful for how far you've come.

Thanks for sharing.